{/ DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOVE }

gosh.
i spent my whole day today in a daze):
i can't believe i could actually make a trip to amkhub feeling like i was in a world of my own.
guess i was just too sleepy...

prolly because i've been going down to sch more often than usual..
maybe i shall cut down on the number of days i'm going sch next week.
except for monday!
since i'll have company on the way to sch(:

&yikes,
i just saw something of fb!
know what? eyecandies are just STRICTLY meant to be eyecandies.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
12:08 AM

yea man.
today was funnnn~!
ahhahas.

finally i met fweshies who didn't go for foc.
so at least i didnt felt so ALONE.
you don't know how IT SUCKS that most people had an OG; had someone to talk to, and yet you, ALL ALONE. especially when in actual fact, you could have known more people too.
it really sucks.
but today was great.
i met two "sisters" of mine. hahahas.
and yay, jiayuan's super cute(:

plus today,
i got to watch harry potter for fweeee~!
muahahahahs.
credits to jiada. hahas.
&supposedly, thanks to the person who ps-ed them. HAHA

anyways, harry potter was kinda disappointing....
not like what i expected.
but it was quite hilarous though.
comparable to iceage3. LOL.
super upset that it isnt as nice as how the trailer seemed to portray it.
plus i have to watch it again, since i jio-ed people alr..

today i realised that i'm super glad i mastered the art of speaking to strangers.
if not i would have died today!
met PLENTY of new faces today!
spoke to a few too. (right, yanling?)
yay! i love making new fwens(:

i love outings that are decided last minute too!
wheeeee~!
they're so sexciting! HAHA.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
12:08 AM

pardon me if i dao you on msn!
cause some messages just don't seem to get to me..
argh.

i need a set of drums for me to practise!
hahhahs.
but they're so ex and USELESS.
damn.
i hate to practise it in the air,
esp when i get irritating ugly hand written scores!
crap.
thankgoodness it's a nice piece.
or i'll just tear and throw it away.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
10:53 PM

today was super shiok~!
all i need was just the company from my laopos.
thats was just enough to make me happy for days(:
heeeex.

okays.
not that yanling wasnt impt.
hahahha.
credits to yanling too okays.
for having lunch with me!
hahs.

today was sinful.
lunched out, dinner-ed out, plus dessert!!
gosh. at this rate, i'm gonna gain another 5kg by the end of hols.
holyshit.

first time i saw weili's bf today.
never seen them together in person before, since they're at ntu.
&had a super interesting talk with ginny after weili left.
we just spent like 2 hours talking bout cedar days were.
who we used to hang out with and our different cliques.
it was FUNny. hahahaha.

instead of saying how great it feels hanging out with my cedar fwens,
the only alternative description woud be, how jas loves her fellow sacians and how xin enjoys the company of her sqms.
aren't they just lovely?

and today everyone was so generous with money!
my camp fee was fully refunded,
people kept rounding down money for me, like 16plus to 16, 11 to 10 and 13plus to 12!
and ginny even treated me b&j!
woohoo~!
i saved a lot on money today, but it was all spent on travelling.
just today, i spent closed to 10bucks on travelling ONLY! gosh.

had drums today too.
shiok man. great avenue to relieve stress.
just let it all out at one go.
got to learnt another mltr song.
dunno why my teacher loves mltr.
but anyways, I LOVE SLOW ROCK~!
&thanks to my teacher, i'm officially addicted to mltr again!!!
shit. feels so old school.... hahhas.

my conclusion for today:
i can't believe weili's a scorpio!

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
11:54 PM

'but he's attached!', so she says.
so what?
nothing's definite anyways.

somethings are just so obvious..
so obvious..

i didn't realise it mattered more to YOU than to me.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
6:59 AM

can you believe this?
in my 19years(plus 6months 21days to be exact) of life,
i have never taken a family photo before.
not till my bro decides to fly overseas,
and a nice fren of him offered to take a photo for us.

so there,
my first family photo which has me, my bro, my dad and my mum ONLY.
isn't that amazing.

sometimes the idea of a family turns me off.
totally.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
1:53 PM

still stucked at GGs02e06. caused i had to finish mingzhong first.
gosh.
i think i'm slow.
anyways im beginning to understand why xj dislikes gg.
it's really really so fiction-based.
but you know what?
i love it.

letting myself sink into all these dramas.
think i'm going insane.

please teach me how to differentiate the real world from the not-so-real world.
somehow i think i'm losing myself.
and i'm asking,
is this the real you?
&don't even think bout asking whats the real me?
cause me myself do not know either.

maybe the past year,
i haven't really been MYSELF.
i'm still searching.

someone once told me,
she feels so false in front of the (current)people around her.
but when she hangs out with her OLD friends,
she's totally different.
maybe i'm like that too.

all i know is,
things have changed.

you know what?
i think i'm becoming delusional.
for all i know is, here i am thinking people hates me,
there people are thinking i'm pushing them away.
but you never know what each other's thinking till they speak their minds.

i'm sinking....sinking....sinking....
each day, deeper and deeper.
maybe i just lack human interaction, that's all.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
11:24 AM

went to watch 'fresh blood' as promised.
hahs.
i think it was amazing.
never caught a play/drama before.
cause it so wasnt my THING.
too abstract for me to understand.
thats why i only go for concerts.

i'm impressed actually.
never ever watched staje performance.
except for mass civics? HAHA.
first time seeing them so full of emotions,
the side of them which i've never seen before.

i think the 07batch's staje pres was really quite zai.

&papa looked totally like an emo kid when he started drawing on the floor with a tiny piece of chalk.
hahahaas.
so if i ever turn emo, it's not my fault!
i inherited it from paps! hahahas.
anyways i still can't believe i haven't seen papa for close to 730days?!?!?
&i'm super sad that he's not coming to nus):

saw michelle(my batch's vball cap) at the play.
gosh. she's damn pwetty! haahhas.

so much for being a major lightbulb today.
eventhough jq claimed that he's attached.
think i'm getting used to being a lightbulb!
thanks to people who kept giving me the chance to practise? HAHAHA.

`i never dared look at you in the eyes.
NOTHANKS for leaving me such deep impressions of you.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
11:48 PM

it's so hard to please everyone.

maybe i should just please MYSELF.

who cares bout the rest.

today i learnt.
there's always a first time.
learning the art of sewing.
woah. tough.
thankgoodness i'm not the one doing.
but it's funny: looking at 2 clueless people coming up with a decent design.
i applaud them. cause it's something i'll never be able to achieve.

the dedication of the people around me never fail to amaze me.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
5:19 PM

thanks to you.
It's freaking me out.
all those stupid random thoughts flooded my mind
and i just can't seem to remove them.
&it's definitely as scary as the arts tunnel.
though i haven exactly seen one.

thank goodness i had someone to divert my attention.
&stopped me from having those shit thoughts.
and somehow, we crapped and crapped.
hours seemed like minutes.
i don't even remember how we managed to crap so much to past time.
LOL.

so at least my day ended well.

Have you already discovered the similarities and differences too?
i've learnt so much for this one year.
i want the new year to be a brand new start.
i've found out so much bout different people. &their different sides.
&and still learning.
somehow i don't wish to know.
i rather just have a pretty image of everyone.
but it's impossible.
cause everyone has their ugly and false sides.
hais.
upset and disappointed TTM.

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway

but what i feel more like doing NOW is:
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway
KELLY CLARKSON - BREAKAWAY(:

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
12:17 PM

Do you believe in fate?
well, at least i do.

Do you believe that you can change fate?
if you can, that it no longer is fate...

yay!
i chionged finished 8eps of 命中.
damn wols i noe. it was aired like damn long ago.
cause i had nothing to watch, so i decided to watch 命中!
hahs.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
4:49 PM

i keep making the wrong decisions lately.
i almost made the biggest mistake in century today.
thanks goodness i didn't.
phew~

sorry pingtiew! for today.
make it up to you another day!

went for drums today.
totally lost touch of it cause i haven touched it for like 3 weeks? oops.
changed my lesson timing cause sch's starting.
hope i didnt make the wrong choice. cause i don't know the exact timetable!!!!
damn. i could only made sure that i tried to choose the latest timing possible.
initially wanted to give up learning.. but i thought, since i finished drums1, it'll be damn wasted to stop when i have already progressed to drums2!
hopefully i can finish drumstwo quickly and move on to drumsthree ASAP~

`you made me really really sad today):

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
1:10 AM

i love t3.
waahaahas.
just sent my bro off.
freak.
super sleepy now~
plus my dad took the wrong way home.
we kinda missed the turn.
and took the longer way.
cause my retarded dad kept asking lame qns.

anyways, just now at the airport,
there was this damn lucky guy.
he had like 30 fwens sending him off!
plus one of his fren even brought a guitar to sing&play for him.
damn cool lahx.
awesome performance.
hahahaahs.
den there was another grp of people,
who celebrated someone else's bdae at the airport.
the whole place was like so happening lah!
the people there were like damn ONs.

anyways, thanks to my bro,
i think i'm gonna experience winter AGAIN!
wheeeee~!
can't wait for december(:

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
12:52 AM

yay!
i finally watched iceage3.
it's HILARIOUS.
esp the stupid acorn part.
LOL man.
& POP GOES THE WEASEL. wahahahhas.

`cause you bring out the worst in me,
like no one else can do.
....
that's why i hate you.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
6:37 PM

YAY! i feel super accomplished today!
wheeee~!

at least i did something productive&meaningful today.
instead of nua-ing my day away.
i think it was fun! heeex.
and i met someone new today.
i love meeting new people! especially nice&friendly ones(:

&for once, i feel useful instead of redundant.
at least i was of help. no matter how minute it was.

the only sad thing was,
i hurt myself accidentally,
despite being SUPER EXTREMELY careful.
boohoo): *pain*

i think i'm gonna be at dhoby super often this week.
SIANS!

pluspoint today:
i bumped into charissa!
haven chat for a super long time. last was since she came to my room in ke.
everytime i see her, i'll miss home econs. hahahahas.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
9:33 PM

i am NOT suffering from depression!

who said you have to be an OGL/rover to have fun?
quoting what mic said :
'i had fun in the comm(:'
that i definitely agree!

i'm proud of myself.
cause i'm learning to become more optimistic!
heeex.
and take things with salt.
&learning how to be more boh chap.
and most imptly, learning how to not regret decisions.

but i am so regretting one now. (that's why i'm still learning)
i should have found another company for sunday.
now i think i'm gonna be the biggest lightbulb on earth!
thanks to paps especially. for giving me such a "GREAT" suggestion.
unless, i find someone else who's willing to go with me....... ):
ohmans.
i HATE being lightbulb/lamp post/ etc.
but i can't seem to avoid being one.
ARGH.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
1:54 AM

ohmans!
almost three.
been sleeping later and later each day.
NOGOOD.
i shall aim to sleep AT 2200 tml(:

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
2:55 AM

results of spamming:
you get spammed back!
hahahahas.

i can't believe that i still have people actually talking to me.
*surprised*
i'm slowly evolving to the stage of 'outcast'
it won't take long, i'm sure.
&it's EASY.

new friends don't last, i realised.
so before we grow apart,
i shall just continue keeping in contact with them!
i hope one fine day we'll have a get together!
and share the ice wine we bought(:

GOSH. i can't believe im having a convo about GARY?!?!?!
disgusted.
talking bout him,
i just got reminded,
ystd legend proved to me that ALL guys are humsup.
with "all" being an absolute term.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
1:47 AM

dear diary,
tell me.
what's wrong with the world?
what's wrong with everybody?
so many things i just can't figure out.

i like to seek escape.
all i do is just to sleep everything away.
but now, i've got another avenue to seek solace.
to divert all my attention away.

cause of quarantine,
everyone's been on fb.
looking at all the lovely photos that siti painstakingly uploaded.
those who aint ogls, please don't be jealous.
just think of me, and you'll feel better!
cause i wasnt in any albums either! hahs.

ANYWAYS,
to all those dying of boredom,
now you all know how i felt during quarantine.
but no worries, 7days pass very quickly.
and before you know it,
it'll be over~! hahahas.

guess what?
my bro's officially flying off on tues.
then the house will be even emptier....
why am i not at all happy! ):

maybe i should go watch papa's play next week..
since i have watched one in ages. (or have i even watched any?)
&since i've never supported his play before too.
oops =x
and anyways, I NEED A BREAK FROM REALITY.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
10:01 PM

will people remember the good deeds you've done for them?
i highly doubt so.
will people remember if you commit just a tiny lil mistake?
that is DEFINITELY a yes.
-tell me i'm wrong.-

i used to think that insomnia was a ridiculous thing.
cause i've never come across insomnia in my life.
i thought that when you're tired,
you'll just naturally fall into deep sleep in seconds.
but now,
i understand how disgusting insomnia is.
not having propoer sleep,
having to wake up nonstop in the middle of the night.
initially, i thought that only happens cause i was at nz.
and the weather was so dry that i had to wake up to replenish myself with fluids.
but it's no better here at home.
i can no longer sleep continuously from night till morn.
talk about waking early.
i used to wake early.
but now, i can't even sleep till early. not for proper at least.
yikes.
my life is at 192degrees.

`music sounding in the heart; that never stops--
9:43 AM